25th September

 assalamualaikum and hi

azrul and i go way back. since 2004. and today, 25th September 2022, we have known each other for 18 years. some years we were apart but we were always in touch maybe as friends or even enemy lol. i think that's what make it unshakable about him. i have loved him and i have also hated him oh god i cant even describe how much i hated him. and perhaps he hated me too. and that is understandable, i mean im not even mad. fate. its an amazing thing.

whenever we talked about the time we met, i dont really remember because i was always reserved and i dont really put my head up to see people's faces so its a blur. i just remember the time i saw his pic wearing AVON marathon shirt, God i laughed so hard as i thought that was funny. you know, being that avon is mostly women's products. now when i think about that, i was so stupid lol. but i didnt know him yet that time, i only really saw him one day when i was sick or like i had a fever but maybe i was just lazy, felt like not going to class. i was all by myself in my room thinking about how hungry i was and i should get lunch but my dry food was also depleting so as everyone was in class, i went to the shop only to find him there with a couple of our classmates too. omg i was surprised and i didnt want them to see me bcs i was basically ponteng lah kan lol. dah la that time i bought so many things like maggi and milo so i carried a big plactic bag! malu weh. i tried hiding in the shop but they wont just go away and Brey even got into the shop argh. so i just gi mampus im going back to my hostel. BUT azrul being the loud person he issss he had to call me and idk say something i guess. i walked quickly but they saw me. with the big plastic bag of all sort of food. so embarrassing lah T.T back at my room, i thought die lah like this they saw me, i had no choice but i had to go to evening class lah macam ni i thought what if they tell everyone i was perfectly healthy kan?? even though they probably just laugh it off and wont tell anyone pun bcs duhh they dont care about other people pun. that evening i went to class lah, was a bit angry bcs i wanted to rest goddd. i sat with Paan, we always sat together until she got out of matrix and went some place else. so after that class azrul sneakily went to paan and asked for my number. and paan told me after that and that night azrul texted me. haa that was the beginning lah lol

we started texting and doing the 3 seconds call thing to save credit haha and he asked if i could teach him english. seriously that was the weakest excuse to ask me out on a date. i mean i saw it but i liked him so i said yeah ok and we agreed to meet in the library. it was night and i was there first, found a table and i sat there. unluckily the table was directly under the ac. it was freaking cold honest to god but there was no other table so i had no choice. waited for him for a while and he came with his friends. i was always scared or shy of his friends, like i said i was reserved sheesh. i dont know, they looked like old dudes, old and scary and some convicted felons hm cowie. so back to azrul, walking down the stairs, he was damn tall lol and honestly i didnt know what to teach him, like i said most terrible excuse to date lol but we kinda talked i guess and then, the best part -- we walked, he walked me to my hostel but we stopped at the stairs. the magical stairs ^_^ and sat and we talked. oh but before that, since we sat directly under the ac and it was cold, he got his lips chipped that it started bleeding lol ok that was all, bet he felt silly about that.

ok, i dont know about him, but that time we sat on the stairs was the best moment in my life. one single best moment in my life. if there were a field of flowers in my body, each and every flowers on that field bloomed. like can you imagine the air and the sight, so full. so there, we talked about stupid things. about our family maybe? about life bcs when we were young we had these ideas right? and all that felt right to be said out loud especially to someone we care. anyway, the details were a blur but we talked for a while up until his friends called him lol and funny thing, his phone ringtone was the stroke's song, 12.51. which coincidentally mine too but my tempo was faster so he said hey that's not right and he fixed it. we later said our goodbyes and i walked home and he walked the other way but i couldnt stop smiling and i saw him smile too. i remember feeling like i didnt want to go home lol. so that was it, how i met azrul.

and to think that i married that young person and carried his children and sharing my life with him. alhamdulillah is all i can say. we have our weaknesses and shortcomings but we made it to this day together and i cant even ask for anything else.

i saw somewhere, they were asking in this life what thing would you want to redo and i dont think i want to redo anything because everything that happened, everything i did, everything he did, everything anybody did lead us here, to this day. i mean we went our separate ways and that kept us apart yes. but that road we took alone was a learning process. obviously me and him, we had to go learn about those things away from each other. like we went and explored and made mistakes and learnt from them. only to be a better person so when we are wiser, we can meet again and be the best version of us to each other.

azrul, pojad and i

12:51

ps: he saw i was writing this long post and maybe he'll read this later so i want to tell him that i love you pakcik XD

4 for fighting

 assalamu'alaikum and hi!

did i tell you? we had another baby! XD so im officially a mother of 4. yes, we think that's a lot of kids too lol but alhamdulillah she is finally here with us. i feel like telling you all about her in another post, maybe not this one because this one is a quick short one as i am finally free from rocking her in her swing like finally T_T i had such a great sleep last night it feels like ages so all praise to Allah.

so life is pretty much the same but also with more colours as the kids are getting bigger. they have their school stuff and friends stuff and cousins stuff and their hobbies. i am this SAHM who lives vicariously through my kids lol their whatever are my deals too

okie see you in another post because my husband is coming home any minute now! xoxo

space song

love,

ansari

just because

 assalamualaikum and hi

it feels liberating to be able to write again. i mean like this. to say these words. not that anybody restricted me before. azrul in fact begged me to write more. but i was just meh. maybe life was too much. life is much too as i am speaking. i dont know what but my hormones are pushing me right now lol ahh at my age, this could only be caused by some family planning pills.

i guess it could mean that i need some time to adjust, tune, align?

family is great. azrul's career is going on great. kids are healthy alhamdulillah. parents are healthy too. nothing to complain. this perfect moments seem perfect. Allah is the greatest.

me. how about me? you know as a mom, when i became a mom, i signed up for limbo. i have no idea for how long this limbo is going to last, but im there now. turned 35 i think i am handling limbo better.

also talking about being 35, is it normal that i feel like i want life to begin now. what the hell im 35 with a family, what else to begin? or is this an MCO effect? you feel me?

a random pic of me and the love my life. see azrul's ring? well its gone now, lost it masa camping kat kaki genting. please notice my star and moon bracelet thank you azrul mehehe

talk

ps: i know i should write about our 3d2n camping experience but wait aaaa XD

that day i thought my chest was on fire

 assalamualaikum and hi

originally the plan was to go camping at this campsite that needs a bit of hiking or trekking, quite deep into the woods but the river is so amazing. but Allah knows best that suddenly azrul became a covid close contact. we didn't want to risk anybody at the campsite because he needed to be in quarantine at least until he got his PCR test result la kan. i was devastated lah we bought so many camping equipment haha

but after he got his result and it was negative kitorg redah je went for a short hike and mandi2 je la, day trip. and it was a new experience, so fun, i love love love the river, the sao paulo pool!

so the things we brought pun tak banyak, just one pair of change for each person, of which we didnt even change there pun, we changed in the car. we wore sports shoes because i dont want to risk kids tripping over the roots, sebab situ jalan entrance dia menurun, nak balik karang kena hike. so masa pegi tu memang easy peasy lemon squeezy, karang nak balik berkicap. i carried a big bag, azrul carried zuyyin. muaz carried his sand toys, he insisted, kakak no bag. like i said, it was easy reaching the river.

there, fara and her aunt punya family dah camping kt situ for one night. we ate a bit, main2 air, borak2 until la zuyyin sleepy dia mcm biasa la perlu hammock haha. once she was asleep, fara and jit took us to the sao paulo pool or satu lubuk kat situ yang dalam, people go there to terjun tiruk, memang best tau. and i jumped! one time with a life jacket. so scaryyy, fara said she jumped but dia tak lompat pun i sorang je lompat wwuuw but since it was deep, and i wore life jacket so it was so fun floating in there oh best nye i miss it lol kids had a lot of fun too. i think that was the highlight of our trip haha

pastu rest a bit and eat more talk more, until it rained and for the first time we saw air sungai jadi deras sikit and we got out and suddenly the river jadi brown, maybe a small kepala air kut. so the kids tau la things to watch out since it happens in front of their eyes, good experience. 

and in the end, we helped fara and her aunt's family carry their things up. ok the hard part begin lol i carried zuyyin, azrul helped them lah i just made sure kids were safely there sampai dekat kereta. fiza pun sama, she carried asma' and we hiked together sampai atas. almost dekat atas tu i started feeling warm in my chest oh my God seriously i was like am i ok is this heart attack lol masa tu tak kelakar la. jastin kat belakang he was like sari ok ke haha. i tried to not to push myself too much and made a lot of stops nearing the top tu kot that was why he asked. i am undeniable not fit at all plus i carried zuyyin in front of my body, the weight and all that lah. pikir2 balik that was dangerous and i will not carry her masa hiking anymore not kidding hahaha

but alhamdulillah we made it, we rested in the car while waiting for the guys and the 2 families sampai ke atas, helped the put the things in the car and all that. pastu we took pics for the memories haha. it was drizzling lah mcm tu time tu but alhamdulillah nobody got sick i guess. better that last time balik dari kaki genting adam and jastin demam huhu.

so as a conclusion, for family camping, better find a campsite yang tak perlu hike no matter the distance, hiking dengan wagon pun payah, they got their wagons terbalik many times tau. kalau a bit jauh, jalan normal is fine if you have wagon, kalau takde wagon susah gak la nk carry kan, benda bukan sikit haha

hiking with kids checked off bucket list! ok i will tell you our solo (just the 5 of us) 3 days 2 nights camping experience in my next post k! enjoy the pics, nothing much just the pics from FB

i lived

ps: eh hello im 35. happy belated birthday to me mehehe

Cerita Camping with Kids

 assalamualaikum and hi

so the other week, we went camping with kids. was almost impromptu didnt have much time planning pun. on? on! macam tu je decide. and since we dont own a tent except for the small one kids buat main and the one we brought picnic, itu je lah yang ada, we rent one along with some other things. so i'd like to tell you guys about our experience bringing kids pegi camping dalam hutan lol

im a plan freak with anxiety i guess lol. so i was kinda serabut pikir nak bawak apa what to eat all those things lah. sebab with kids kan? ok first! the place! it was near dusun bonda the glamping situ tu. this camping site before dusun bonda. we had to cross the river, air cetek that time sebab panas and ada rope to hold on to. the things we can put on a water tank, float je to the other side haa gitu. the day we came, i cross the river dukung zuyyin pegang tali je, the kids, kakak and muaz letak dalam water tank husband teacher Fara, Jit yang tolak dorg with our things. azrul cross mcm biasa la with things jugak. balik tu anak2 can cross sendiri, we let them hold the rope.

yang pergi camping nya 4 family all with kids. teacher Fara and his husband Jit ada 4 kids, us 3 kids, Fiza and Justin ada 3 kids and lastly Khairi and Sarina with their special baby Adam with Down Syndrome. ok the tents! so i mentioned we dont have tents of our own so kitorg sewa this service dekat subang. service excellent except for the part they forgot our cooking essentials but its ok confusing sebab i add on last minute all was good very recommended. we took Arpenaz 4.2 spacious ada 2 bilik left and right with a common area kt tengah, looks proper la. tengah boleh letak barang2 and solat. kalau ada small table pun boleh letak. but for us agak too big rasa membazir pulak ruang kt tengah. nak pasang tu senang je, first time memang terkial2 tapi once you know, easy je. azrul la yang cakap sebab dia pasang dengan khairi lol. khairi pun takde tent sendiri so dia pun sewa dari org yang sama as we did. azrul yang amekkan easy one go je kan. sebab dia bertiga je so dia amek quechua mh100, servis sewa tent tu pun ada 2 jenis tu je la so far ni. oh btw khairi ni kawan tempat keje azrul. while fara and fiza ada tent sendiri dorg baru beli deer creek very nice and ventilation nampak nice lah. and anak2 fara 2 org tido dalam hammock so tak la sempit pun tent dia tu. menarikkan suruh anak tido dalam hammock lol

the day kitorg sampai, pagi setup tent semua sampai tengah hari. we had our breakfast in the car makan sandwich we bought dekat petrol station je. fiza bawak nasi lemak n mee goreng mcm tu, lunch habiskan tu semua je. memang plan lunch makan apa ada or tapau je no masak2 sebab nk setel letak barang sume kan. once all done baru la boleh fokus relax and riadah. tapi anak2 time ni dah riang ria dalam air dah. good thing situ family area ramai budak dan adults tengokkan jadi tak risau lepas pandang anak sekejap2. plus, fara and jit sampai dulu, dorg dah setup semua so jit la tengokkan budak2 lol. fara setup gazebo. oh haa we took one gazebo for cooking. so tents sekeliling gazebo. tepi gazebo ada campfire yg dorg dah buat cantik with bench and everything, just bawak net and arang je la. kayu api pun dorg provide cantik2 ada special small hut so cute lol

for the food, cooking item mostly brought by fara because she has all the things dia paling expert haha. ada stove, gas and burners semua tu la. we did rent one stove tapi rupanya gas beli sendiri lol. tapi agak helpful ada extra stove sebab cepat sikit nak masak tu kan. oh best thing about the site is that kat situ ada plug point! so easy nak charge phone, i even brought electric kettle, senang haa masak air lol. and the gazebo pun ada one wall fan, tak la panas, anak2 nak tido pun boleh atas tu. we should have brought zuyyin's swing sebab ada je org bawak and pasang kat gazebo tu, sebab zuyyin tido buai jadi tumpang hammock, tapi lama jugak dia tido walaupun panas lol ok back to the food, other people bawak cups and plates sendiri mcm tu la. we planned juga nak makan apa like sandwich, bread, nugget, bakar2 ayam, ikan bakar, nasi, sardin things like that. so sebab lunch habiskan breakfast je, petang makan sandwich sardin and nugget. oh i tried buat waffle dekat situ bawak tepung bancuhan sume tu but waffle maker rosak T_T so lari plan waffle kat situ. malam bakar ikan, ayam and marshmallow for the kids. fiza ada bawak lokching so makan lokching tu la jugak lol. the next day i buat nasi goreng sardin. habiskan nasi semalam and sardin. fara buat small burgers dgn nugget. air mineral azrul beli byk botol besar tu, so air memang byk, nak air panas je pakai kettle letrik. nak basuh pinggan semua tu ada sink khas dekat dengan toilet cuma kena jalan sikit. kalau malas just basuh kat sungai. and oh, ada kepala paip near every gazebo. i think itu kepala paip utk mandi but takde walls so anak2 je la mandi situ. boleh jugak basuh pinggan situ, i kan malas nak jalan, i basuh situ je.

that is the sum of our camping trip i guess. and we're going camping again next week! this time we will be more prepared and i hope better at planning and organizing. but still we dont have our own tent, we'll be renting one yang campsite tu punya base M, excited nak try sebab azrul ada cakap nak beli tu so boleh la try dulu kan? huhu and this coming trip takde letrik tau. dia bagi generator je. sounds scary but fun! lol

good things to have:

• tent
• stove and gas
• hammock
• chairs
• water shoes
• life jacket
• clear box to put your things, easy to carry
• wagon
• outdoor hijab
• powerbank
• lots of lights and lamps

here are a few pics, banyak sangat kalau nak letak so i letak yang senonoh je la lol

started with you

ps: shaima cakap ini ke ansari yang saya kenal? because this is not me, i dont do outdoors but welp here i am hahahaa