Assalamualaikum
Hi
I suddenly remember i used to cling onto something sad it had become a habit. In contrary with popular beliefs that sadness is best away, i needed it. It made me write better. It kept me in touch with my feelings better. But me trying to keep being sad was bad for my outlook of the world, i constantly pushed people away. I was looking for something wrong in everything. It was my drug.
Once i have a reason to live, Zahra, i cant afford to let the sadness become apart of her too. I cant let her carry my baggage. I started being happy or at least content with what i had. And it changed everything. Yes, i felt the sadness but i kept it to myself. And after my marriage with Azrul, i was blessed with so much happiness i cant look for anything to be sad about. There are ups and downs there's no point in lying about that, but i dont carry it with me making it bigger day by day or nurture it until it become a tumor. Alhamdulillah.
But some days, i miss my melancholic writings. Haha. I cant find similar drugs. But dragging myself to sadness again is not worth it i bet. Hence these ramblings and pointless posts. I certainly no lang leav to be clinging on some sad memories for the sake of book writing. And with what i have, with how i feel about things, i try to make it work with the way i write. Its not an easy task really. But as for me, that is a challenge im ready to take.
Its a far future but if i start today, i'll be a step ahead. And so, this space might become a lab for my experiment writings. Stay away! Or stay close! Which ever you prefer. Lol. Blah blah blah. Kbai
"I already am. I always was. And i still have time to be." - anis mojgani
;)