crown fixed

assalamualaikum

hi

i feel fat. no. i am fat. there. another usual statement right? my friends and family are actually tired of hearing that so you're next. lol. but when i say that to my husband that, he'd make a i-told-you-so-face and say "do something about it". since i can no longer blame muaz and breastfeeding, the reality is hitting me hard in the face. smack! but, im gonna enjoy my peanut butter sandwich and all ice cream i can get for now. im just glad im healthy. eher.

its monday guys! back to your usual in front of computer routine? or munching in front of the tv? im the second category i must say. and life is kind so far alhamdulillah. ahh see so much to be gratful for. why whine? 

so yesterday i was waiting for husband to take us out for weekend day out as per usual, but azrul insisted that i go out alone. i mean, all by myself. i have been so dependant on him, i wouldnt know what to do alone! so i asked maksu to accompany me, kill time and wonder around shopping. yes, i got shoes and boy oh boy padini is having a big sale until 17th of september you should go! what we did was, we went shopping, eating macaroons, sushi and cups and cups of tealive and juiceworks. i peed like 3 times there. and it was fun. my maksu is always there when i need her. she's this earth i need to channel out my negative feelings and thought as i am hers i hope. she left her kids to her husband, my paksu too. so, thank you paksu and my beloved husband for taking care of the kids, i heard you had a great time yourself bringing the kids to playground and blow bubbles. of course at the end of the day, i suddenly miss the kids and him as i saw many couple with kids, reminded me of my own, so i rushed home.

i must say, it is nice to get out once in a while with no kids and husband, just me and myself especially me being a stay-at-home-mother. and i am thankful i have a very considerate husband that he always look out for my mental health lol. but seriously, any mothers would love to go out with their friends and for a few minutes forget about life at home and actually focus on herself, what she wants to eat, instead of thinking about what other tiny humans to eat, walk at her pace, stop anywhere for how long she wants. and at this, the husband needs to be a considerate human being and see his partner as a human being who has needs to communicate with the outside world and do whatever she wishes. and my husband always let me go out do my things, in fact this is not the first time i went out with maksu or any of my friends. its just a few times in a year thing. most of the time of course lah i prefer to go out with my honey bunny kan buat ape pegi dengan orang lain. but its a nice gesture, good husbands would do that.

ok lah for today. im sort of still figuring things out with this mary kay thing im doing, but my kit arrived yesterday so im pretty enthusiastic who wouldnt right? i got a big box of skincare and makeup kot. its like a present i got from myself. ok ok that's it then byeeee.

wearing my thinking hat

assalamualaikum

hi

it is almost all the time that you feel like its certain. what you feel is real. what you're doing is real. but sometimes doubt creeps in. for a female, i guess its almost routine to feel that way, because hormones. and i am like that sometimes. i doubt myself. it is mostly out of nothing and once i let the steam off to my roommate slash husband, i feel better again. but it keeps coming back at me and i dont like that those doubts ruin my days, i thought i should do something about it. and i am. slowly but surely? hopefully.

i have registered myself in a small business i want to be serious about it. and i want to build my dream slowly one page at a time. it is at such moments that you realise that only you can pick yourself up. i mean, my friends are obviously jealous of me that my husband looks after us very carefully and with such love, no doubt about that. what im talking about is what i want to do for myself. because basically my husband cant do it for me. he's very supportive but i gotta stand up and do it myself. finally walking the talk. i hope i am strong enough. and i hope i dont give up. im a sucker for stumbling and crying and retreating. i really want to go for it and if it turned our horrible i hope i will stand by it and make it work no matter what.

haha that's very vague? im just secretive about it. its such a baby i dont want to ruin it. when the time comes. and oh. its not about the small business that im doing because the small business is mary kay and that's not my dream but ok. its something else. we'll see about that?

honestly i have been talking about this since forever, if you read this from the beginning haha. ugh, im so weak. lol

ok bye xoxo

dusk till dawn

ps: we're going to pontian tomorrow. ape best guys?

hired, but

assalamualaikum

hi

after one month of searching and endless applications sent to companies, i got a job! hip hip hooray! it was near us like 15 mins from home. notice the tense though. i politely declined the offer. even though  during the interview i told them things were all figured out. apparently, my husband thinks its best i stay at home and care for the kids. i have to agree with him, not by force, because admit it, the kids are still small, especially muaz. we may sound like we're clingy parents, my husband especially, but im glad he is. im glad he sees that the kids need me with them, im glad that my husband said "i dont think there's anybody out there who can take care of zahra and muaz as good as you do". im glad he sees that im doing the best i can.

and this may be my another sacrifice to the family, but its a sacrifice i am willing to make. and i do it for us. because deciding for the job, he was a bit vague about whether or not i should take it, and knowing how he is, i knew it wasn't right and i rejected the offer even he didn't say the words. he even asked me why i did it. i dont know. it the things you do for your loved ones, for your family. because you are one of them, because perhaps this is not as good as it sounds like, perhaps there is a much better offer in the future, God willing.

as of now, im taking my sweet time staying at home, playing with the kids. because zahra will turn 4 next year, she's gonna be attending preschool, so i still have a few months left treating her like a baby. uhuu. 

perfect

I found a love for me

Darling, just dive right in and follow my lead

Well, I found a girl, beautiful and sweet

Oh, I never knew you were the someone waiting for me

'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love

Not knowing what it was

I will not give you up this time

But darling, just kiss me slow,

Your heart is all I own

And in your eyes you're holding mine

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark

With you between my arms

Barefoot on the grass,

Listening to our favourite song

When you said you looked a mess,

I whispered underneath my breath

But you heard it,

Darling, you look perfect tonight

Well, I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know

She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share her home

I found a lover to carry more than just my secrets

To carry love, to carry children of our own

We are still kids but we're so in love

Fighting against all odds

I know we'll be alright this time

Darling, just hold my hand

Be my girl, I'll be your man

I see my future in your eyes

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark

With you between my arms

Barefoot on the grass

Listening to our favourite song

When I saw you in that dress

Looking so beautiful

I don't deserve this

Darling, you look perfect tonight

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark

With you between my arms

Barefoot on the grass

Listening to our favourite song

I have faith in what I see

Now I know I have met an angel in person

And she looks perfect,

I don't deserve it

You look perfect tonight

ps: its been a while since the last time my oven bakes something. cake tomorrow?