Domestic Engineer

Assalamualaikum

Hi

Everyone i used to know must be so proud of me now. I used to be known for my love of sleep and how im a nocturnal. And being an ummi makes me a morning person. I wake up super early every morning and i rarely has power naps. I do morning grocery shopping. In fact, as soon as the Aeon store near our house opens. And i cook 3 meals a day. Do laundry every day. Hahaha even i cant believe the sound of that. But its true. Its 10.49 am and im already bored. I told my husband that im bored because there is "nothing to do". Husband said, wait lah next year, you'll have a handful. God that is so true. So i have a few months of boredom before the chaos. Huhu.

Referring to previous post, i have chosen my road. It was actually my dilema of choosing between working and being a stay at home mom. By working, im not saying that lightly. I mean a job i like, a job i really look forward for years, something i know, something i'd like to learn more, something i would be proud of. Its sad, really. For the record, no, its not a teaching post. I think im meant for more than being a teacher. And i had it in my hand. I was offered a job i thought i didnt get. Remember the job interview i had months ago? They called for a second interview. Its a funny story because i thought i didnt get it when actually they were waiting for my reply. Total misunderstanding. Maybe my lack of understanding work jargons. But they're still interested in having me. But they wanted me to start immediately like a week after that. I consulted my husband. He knows how much i want the job. But both of us know the real issue is zahra. Being clingy parents i cried my heart out that night talking to him about how much im worried about leaving her too soon. We dont even have a chance to look for a proper nursery. I mean, there will always be a nursery who can accept zahra but will it be good enough. Our plan was we take at least a month of eyeing good nursery and scrutinise every details. Why so picky? There are a lot of child abuse cases by nannies. Let alone the kidnapping. And of course because of the fact that zahra is very hard to handle these days. Since she totally drinks formula milk we found her to be easily throwing tantrums and cry a lot just for some silly reasons or no reason at all. Its a phase actually and we're afraid that some people do not know how to cope with that resulting hitting her or scolding her. God forbids. And honestly, my husband worries about that more than i do.

My husband said i should take a few days to think it through. I was so cornered. That company even said the salary is raised a little since their first offer. T.T i asked my mom and my sister. Frankly i would be easier if someone decides it for me. But all of them said it is all up to me. So i guess i should ask Allah. What would a good wife and a good mother do. Of course, stay close to her family. So i go with that. As soon as i told my decision to my husband, he immediately thanked me for choosing to stay home. He knows how much i wanted it so i guess he figures that this is my sacrifice for the family. And oh boy how excited he was when i told him about that. -.- wait wait wait. I told the company about my decision. And they would still wait for me. Huhu. Idk lah in the future kan?

So im 29, married, pregnant with my second baby, with an almost toddler daughter, a stay at home mom. May Allah ease our journey and shower us with endless rizq and love. Same goes to all of you readers too. Some roads are easy. Some are hard. Some are meant for you. Some are meant for others. But if you walk your road proud and happily, even the hardest road be fun. There are obviously so many things for me to learn being a mom, thats why Allah put me here and i thank Him for that. Notice that i write roads and not destinations? Because our destination is the after life. Lets do our best building today for a great tomorrow.

Ps : im a yay close to start writing a book. Argh. I need books.

A fork in my road

Assalamualaikum

Hi

Pernah tak berdiri dekat simpang perati je jalan2 yg ada. Perati org lalu lalang. Perati nun jauh sikit sejauh mata boleh nampak hujung setiap jalan tu. Pernah tak. Perasaan nak kena pilih salah satu jalan tu adalah sangat pundek bak kata suami saya. Tak boleh pilih dua2 sebab duhh badan awak boleh belah dua? Kena pilih satu je. Tah laaa cmane hujung jalan setiap satu tu.. kalau salah pilih macam mana? Kalau jalan tu payah? Banyak lubang? Banyak ular senduk menanti? Barang banyak nak bawak ni.. suami, anak, baby dlm perut. Ya Allah betapa berdenyut kepala beberapa hari ni pikir. Nangis. Bila tanya orang, org suh ikut kata hati. Hati pulak diam membisu kunci diri dalam peti besi. Ketuk2 taknak bukak. Tanya logik akal, dua2 menarik. Sebab akal analisis ape mata nampak je. Atau mungkin saya ni takut amek risiko. Haih mana tak takut.. satu family kena angkut.

Ok. Ada masa lagi. Istikarah.

Ps : atoto

That last 2-ish age

Assalamualaikum

Hi

Being officially 29 is something..... pretty ordinary. I dont feel old as much as i should. I dont feel like im missing things and life walked passed by me. It feels very normal actually. The perk of being born at the end of the year. I kindda felt the age crisis train impact during new years. So, in sum, i actually felt old a long time ago. Idk whether that is a bright side or a dark side of late birthdays. Hmm.

But importantly! I've had my 29th birthday celebrations. Celebration ker.. more like cake cutting ceremony with hubby and zahra and rose smelling up until midnight. Huhu. It was a small 'party'. Thanks to my beloved husband for the amazing cake which he insisted on buying at that particular cake shop just because he has been buying their cakes since he was small and for generations. I wasnt expecting any presents really. Because idk what to ask from him being that my needs are pretty fulfilled and im easily content. Last year he bought me an expensive handbag. I still dont use it as much sebab syg and because its a little heavy for my small shoulders that are already occupied with a toddler and her stuff. When he went out to buy the so legendary cake, i waited in the car for quite a while i was starting to doubt this cake bussiness.. why does it took so long to write a simple note on a cake and pack it. Until husband came up with a box of cake and a bouquet of roses. It really was nice i immediately fell in love with him again. Lol. And the rest was cake eating and getting fat together.

We wanted to save some for our neighbour, but we ate a big piece of it so it wont look as nice to give a few slices. -.-" considering that she 'took care' of our house for more than a week while we were in kelantan and tanjung malim. Huhu sorry aunty. Niat tu ada. So we bought her some fruits instead. ;) niceee

Of 29 years of life:
I wanted to write down every blessings i have but the list can go on for eternity. All i can say is that im grateful for this life and all that it brings. Alhamdulillah. Everyday is a new day. Everyday is filled with surprises. Everyday is another second chance.

Throughout the years i guess i have learned that the past is history but it is a crucial part of which mould us to who we have become today. And the future is really too far away. It cant be predicted and there is absolutely no reason to worry about what is coming for it will come anyway and we will deal with it when its finally here aite? What's important is that we cherish today. Make every moment counts. Give our blood and sweat onto something worth it.

But if we fail today, thats ok too. Because God made us imperfect. We have our own flaws. Its ok to make mistakes. In fact, that is the only way we learn. Be ourselves and whatever comes our way will fit right where it belongs sooner or later.

Hew hew ok i sound a little old. Ehem must be the maturity hormone. Lol. All in all, there is so many things to be grateful for. Look closely. :) and with that i bid you good night. Hasbunallahu wani'mal wakeel.

Ps: tummy is showing a little. They say during second pregnancies, baby bump might appear sooner than during the first pregnancy. Im just so glad husband thinks my bump is cute being that he used to admire my 6 packs. Haha *yes i had 6 packs abs.. even after having zahra B-)

The Price

Assalamualaikum

Hi

Slow and cool day in kota bharu right now. My daughter is somewhere in front of the tv watching her favourite movie, Home. She can watch it on repeat. Yesterday she watched it for 5 times. She wanted to watch it again and again but we have to stop her from doing so. Since i can practically memorize the script by heart. And its pretty annoying and stressful to listen to it continously.

Anyway, terpanggil nak cakap pasal redha. Sebab duduk rumah ibu ni balik beberapa hari ni ter-recall time awal2 pregnantkan zahra dulu. Same simptom. Moderate morning sickness. Tp i was stronger back then. This 2nd pregnancy, ya Allah lemahnya rasa walhal lebih kurang je. Itu tandanya saya ni mmg manja. Sebab dulu sorg2 deal sume benda. Tahan je dalam hati.. sedih, kambus perasaan tu. Sekarang, geli2 tekak sikit laju je mengadu kat suami. Suami pulak rajin layan.. memang lah naik lemak. Huhu. Tp sekejap je lah. Sekarang dh ok kut hopefuly. Ada sikit2 je lagi. Nak cepat2 habis phase ni. Sebab nak makan sedap2. Kehkehkeh. Tp sesampai je kb hari tu laju je cari ape nak makan. Alhamdulillah sgt suami sgtlah manjakan sy sampai nak papepun dh tak tau dh. Contohnya nak merengek pasal ape pun tak tau. Faham x? Haha dasar sungguh la ekau ni ansari. Sebab nya suami layan nak makan ape, urut kat mane sakit, tolong jaga zahra. Bila cakap ngn ibu, sy jadi princess skrg ni ibu pulak yg kesian kat suami. Tu yg kena bebel 4 bakul takleh nak manja2 lg dah.

Anyway, pasal redha tu bukan pasal tak redha pregnant skrg ni. Mesti la redha alhamdulillah. Cuma terpikir cane dulu blh survive. Tu je. I was so rock bottom kut. Takde lagi down, itulah paling down dalam hidup. Tenggelam lemas sorang2 taknak timbul tp hidup, selamat, bernyawa sampai lah saat timbul semula. Kunci dia masa tu redha. Sebelum sy realize soal redha, sy cari punca masalah. Sape. Sape masalah tolong move your ass from my life. Dan yg tu pun Allah tolong. Mudah. Taknak elaborate panjang. Yg penting chow. Hari2 mendatang lepas tu payah tak tipu langsung. Menangis sorang2 malam2. Tp bila depan org senyum. Itu dh jadi rutin. Segala gelap tak manis pedih simpan. Masuk bilik kunci pintu baru nangis. Sebab tu ibu tak suka sy duk sendiri. Dia akan ajak keluar dgn kwn2 dia lepak2 minum air makan2. Terhibur sekejap balik sambung nangis lagi sambil usap perut. Zahra dh tendang2 dan sy masih igt kata2 sy pd zahra, "dont worry umi dgn zahra forever". No connection dgn sape2 negative. I totally put myself inside a positive bubble. Dan Allah hadiahkan manusia2 yg memang sesuai dgn keadaan sy time tu. To make me feel pretty, to make me feel smart, to make me feel loved. Cukup. Tiada yg kurang. Pikir2 balik betapa Allah syg zahra. Betapa Allah syg jiwa dia. Allah bg environment yg positif utk dia. Dan betapa mudah bersalinkan dia.

Satu yg sy jaga, hubungan dgn Allah. Tak sesempurna org alim. Basic2 tu je. Ini bukan brag ke ape. Cuma nak bagitau dari mana redha itu datang. So lepas dh remove segala yg negative, tlg lah sedar sape yg penyebab penyakit pd diri tu. Sape lg? Jgn nak salahkan orang eh? No 1, salahkan diri sendiri. Ye, sy yg invite those problems. So setel la situ. Sy penyebab dia jadi the fault is on me. So ini sy yg akan setel kan. Gitu. Sbb sy jenis yg malas nk gaduh ngan orang ni. I'd rather look defeated than look desperate. Be the bigger person. Always. Lepas dh mengaku silap sendiri baikilah diri. Sebab kalau kita salahkan org, sapelah kita ni nak baiki orang. Mulakan dgn baiki diri sendiri. I worked a lot on myself. Baiki solat. Baiki bacaan al quran. Sampaikan time pregnant zahra tu boleh rasa zahra suka surah yasin. Sampai boleh hafal lah. Kalau nearest mosque tu tgh bc yasin pagi2 sebelum subuh, telinga ni terdengar2 je dalam hati duk folo baca sekali. Punya lah zahra suka surah yasin. Again, bukan nak riak. Sebab masa tu sy cuma ada Allah. Saat orang lain ada suami nak bermanja2 sy cuma bermanja dgn Allah. Boleh kata setiap kali lepas solat sy akan ceritakan dekat Allah ni ape perkembangan terbaru zahra. Terbaring atas sejadah menangis tu biasa. Igt2 balik kesian dekat diri sendiri. Tp time tu ok je. Tp ada malam2 yg sy tak kuat. Biasalah hormon org mengandung, tak stabil. Sy baca yasin dgn tafsir. Sebab pernah terbaca, kalau nak Allah ckp ngn kita, kita bc quran. So sy baca la yasin. Smpai lah satu ayat yg kena recite 7 kali tu. Sy pun terpikir hmm nape yg ni kena bc 7 kali dh lama nk cek maksud dia. Cer tgk maksud dia. Sekali tersentak sendiri. Awak tgk lah sendiri tafsir dia eh. Sebab masa tu mana ada nk msg loving2 ngn sape2 pun. Dpt msg loving2 dr Allah sgt best tau. Malam tu tido dlm senyuman. Alhamdulillah. Tu paling magic la sy rasa.

Dan along the way tu saya jumpa redha. Redha tu mahal. Takkan jumpa kalau diri masih mendongak. Takkan jumpa redha kalau dlm diri masih ada walau sedikit rasa nak salahkan org. Takkan jumpa kalau sibuk mengasihani diri sendiri. Redhalah diuji semampunya. Redhalah ujian yg nampak segunung ni sebenarnya kecik je. Redhalah tak nampak esok pun sebab hari ni masih ada. 100% nasib sy, sy serah pada Allah. Sy teraniaya Ya Allah. Bayi yg tak berdosa ni teraniaya. Doa org teraniaya kan tiada hijab. Nampak tak bes rupanya kat situ. Embrace it. Instead of mourning about it, make it a gem put it on your crown. Sy nampak kerisauan ibu dan org2 terdekat bila sy nak bersalin. Ibu takut sy meroyan tp alhamdulillah takde pun. Bila pikir2 balik i had every reason to meroyan. Dgn very subtle care sbb ibu sekolah takde orang jaga sy dan zahra. Tp hari ni sy boleh cakap i survived that! Solo trip! Tanpa menyalahkan sape2. Tanpa memburukkan sape2. Semuanya dgn redha dan Allah di sisi. And that is by far my greatest achievement in life.

Ada la dlm banyak2 doa sy masa pregnant, ya Allah kurniakan org yg betul2 syg sy. Dan dia mestilah syg zahra sgt2. Allah beri suami sy Azrul. Yg mmg confirm syg sy sejak zaman tok kaduk. Haha. Confident je kan? Memang sy confident part tu. Alhamdulillah. Dan dia memang syg zahra. Setiap hari duk laut pun sibuk call nak tanya kabar zahra je. Kabar sy last2 baru tanya. -_- dan perjuangan yg tu telah selesai. Sekarang ni perjuangan yg baru pulak. Perjuangan rumahtangga. Perjuangan membesarkan zahra. Perjuangan mengandungkan adik zahra. Perjuangan diri sendiri sebagai hamba Allah. Semoga pregnancy kali ni dalam lindungan Allah. Dan semoga amalan pun bertambah. Jangan malas2 okay umi.

Ps: dh scan hari tu. Baby dh lambai2 kat umi & ayah.

Sekadar sebuah ucapan terima kasih buat suami tercinta pemilik hati dan pintu syurga saya, terima kasih sebab melayan ibu mengandung ni. Abg suami paling awesome dlm dunia. Abg balik nnti syg nak cool blog n lokcing lg. Kbai.

A bun

Assalamualaikum

Hi

We're at husband's kampung. Long story short, i'm pregnant. Surprise! Lol. I dont think i have any cravings just yet being that our sweet pea is still very small. And alhamdulillah i have no serious morning sickness. Pretty much like when i was pregnant with zahra. I need my snacking to keep my stomach full so i wont vomit air. Or have a nausea from the flatulence. All in all, im very happy with my conditions. There are worse right?

Anddd, one thing. I just have this urge to eat this one particular sour fruit, cermai. Not that jeruk kind of cermai. I daydreamed about young cermais. An out of nowhere, my mouth will be filled with a waterfall of saliva. Ouh just the thought of it. Anddd, apparently, my beloved mil has a family member who sells jeruk cermai which she asked where does she get all the fresh cermais and she got some for me! Yay! Alhamdulillah. I dont think that this is a craving, maybe just an urge to eat something sour. And this evening, i ate some of the cermai and they were wonderful! Perfectly like i imagined. Maybe even better. Because my pregnant hormones kicked in and affected my taste buds and honestly and seriously, i didnt think they were sour at all! God that is so satisfying. And i ate them with salt. Um um so gewd~

Ok, so lets talk about the father of the bun in the oven lol. He's over the moon about me being pregnant. He smiles every single night before bed. And he'd do most of the housework especially doing the dishes. And what im so grateful of right now is, him taking care of zahra. You see, a child can sense when her mother is pregnant with another baby. Idk how but old people say that. And zahra proves it. I talked about work before this remember? I was sure i can leave zahra for work because she can bottle feed now. But after my pregnancy she totally resist the formula milk which puzzles us. After brief explanation by my mom, i get it that she's jealous of the baby and she wants to get back to breastfeed and hug me all the time. Considering my on off feverish conditions and flatulence and nauseas, husband is very helpful with bottlefeeding zahra patiently until she's surely full. I love my husband so much right now. Huhu.

Anddd, about that work i said, i said goodbye. Lol. Who am i kidding, i still get job interview offers but who will hire a pregnant lady? Plus, even if i get the job, i dont think i can cope being pregnant and doing another job from 9 to 5. Maybe this is the hikmah about me not getting my dreamjob.. i get a dreamjob of being a mother of two. Hehe

Please pray for our health. Umi and baby wishes everyone good night. Actually i just made husband went out to buy kuetiau goreng basah because im hungry. And i just ate it and i cant sleep just yet. I dont wanna be fat before the actual bump right? Lol

Ps: along and i will be having a baby next year insyaAllah. So mak and abah will have 2 extra grandchildren next year. Haha.

Very small ps: i never experienced any of this with zahra and i thank Allah with so much gratitude. Alhamdulillah. Lots of love to my fil and mil for your concerns and love. Also to my in law siblings. Its such a happy feeling to see faces ignite when they know that im pregnant. Especially to husband, thank you for what you have done and what you will be doing in less than 8 months. I really want to cherish this. <3