Henlo

Assalamualaikum and hi!

Life is pretty much the same. Only the day before yesterday, i applied for jobs. Yes you read that right. I fixed a few things about my resume and put the best pitch in my applications. Yesterday i got 2 feedbacks asking when i can attend interview with them. Of which i didnt respond at all. Fyi they're just some mediocre jobs around shah alam.

Thing is when i applied for the jobs, i wasnt thinking straight. All i focused on was fixing the damn resume. And i said hey maybe i could try apply for some jobs, see how goes? Silly. Yesterday as i received the feedbacks, it hit me; shit im not ready for this. The things i need to figure out and this is not the time. So i ignored them which is rude. I feel guilty.

The thing i realised was, is how not ready i am to make a new schedule for both me and the kids. Suddenly Muaz looks so small and he looks vulnerable. After that, i kept thinking about does the job really pays well and is it worth it? All pointed to nahh. So i caved.

Now, i have zero experience in leaving the kids to strangers for long hours while i work, so i am really and honestly scared. I realised now that i am totally clueless and probably a bit lacking of bravery to start a new routine. Yes, i am comfortable with where i am now. And change is scary as hell.

Nevertheless, i am keen to look for a job in the future, something i can do for me. But as of now, i just dont see it. I should probably learn a few things from my friends who is working or read some articles right? For now, i just want to be a mommy.