a special one ikat tepi

assalamua'laikum

hi

this is an appreciation post. for the one who i just found that is actually an avid reader of this blog. i mean, i know that person reads from time to time but now i know its a daily thing. like opening your daily email, newspaper or facebook feed.

this is obviously a nothing blog. not a single information about anything. except my life as a mother and wife. and i dont even post that much anymore. but that person keeps coming back. 

i dont know what to say but i think you're so sweet. lol. and honestly it drives me to write as much as to stop right now. because there's ACTUALLY a reader. im a paradox, hence the stance. *awkward laugh

baby, you know im awkward right? sometimes things just dont make sense. or maybe things just are, maybe im just in this typhoon of self doubt and hormones, and sometimes i drag you in. but you're that strong pole, a big rock, a sturdy lasso. you catch me. you hold me and you actually never let me go and calms me into knowing that the world is fine, and that i am fine. and that i can do things, and i can figure out life. and you? you stay there where you are with the kids. like some kind of immune, aren't even shook by whatever storm i carry. you're amazing. and that is an understatement.

i stood still too long. i get used to holiday phase. the same routine and i can see the world is moving. so fast. but i am not. i cant even pick myself up in the morning to eat like whats the point? and honestly, i have given up many times. i have resorted to being 50 at 30. but you know i haven't shut down my fire entirely. and you believed. and remember that night you told me my writing was awesome? i dream happy dreams. you, and only you have that power.

so, basically i dont know what else to say. except i love you baby. remember i told you i made a poem about you? maybe in another post. so you have something to read everyday aside from those facebook comments and 9gag right? XD

ps: i seriously dont know how many times have my heart felt this electric/cold/shiver for you. but i want to feel it for the rest of my life.