Something Human

"Something Human" MUSE

My circuits have blown
I know it's self imposed
And all I have shared, and all I have loved
Is all I'll ever own
But something has changed
I feel so alive
My life just blew up, I'd give it all up
I'll depressurize
Aahh...
Ten thousand miles left on the road
Aahh...
Five hundred hours 'till I am home
I need something human, human
Human, human
Let's face all our fears
Come out of the shade
Let's burn all the money, absolve all the lies
And wake up unscathed
The big picture is gone
Replaced with visions of you
Now life can begin, I've cleansed all my sins
I'm about to break through
Aahh...
Five thousand miles left on the road
Aahh...
Two hundred hours 'till I am home
I need something human, human
Human, human
And I need the touch
And something human, human, human
Aahh...
Less than a mile left on the road
Aahh...
I will be crawling through your door
I need something human, human
Human, human
And I need your love
And something human, human

Something Human

Flying with Two Kids

assalamualaikum and hi!

before raya hari tu kitorg anak beranak naik flight from KL to Kota Bharu. tapi just the 3 of us because my husband kerja dan biasalah nk simpan cuti raya. i was okay sebab lagi bagus kan dapat lepak lama sikit umah my mom. it was ramadhan and i was fasting. flight pun beberapa minit lepas waktu buka. so this post i nak cerita sikit pasal how i handled the kids, what happened and whatnot.

i was skeptical at first when my husband suggested that we balik kampung naik flight, the kids and i sahaja. and scared! masa zahra kecik2 dulu agak selalu la naik flight dgn dia berdua dan mcm dah boleh handle dia sorang2 and she was okay walaupun time tu i fully breastfed her and direct feed sahaja sebab dia taknak botol. sebab flight pun 45 mins or 1 hour je kan. but this time dua orang anak kecik! zahra is 4 and muaz is 2. he passed the infant age so he got his own seat. lega di situ sebab selamat lengan i wont be sado holding him kan lol.

the prep i did was:

1. only 1 luggage letak kat bawah, small and easy to pull
2. i carried a backpack filled with the kids' neccesities macam diapers, milk powder, muaz's binkie etc
3. zahra carried her backpack filled with toys (her and her brother's favourite)
4. since i puasa that time i brought makanan siap2 before masuk gate.
5. muaz memang pakai diaper, zahra pun i pakaikan diaper sebab taknak ke hulu hilir pegi toilet sebab dia
6. at first i isi air dlm botol utk muaz but sebab tah la takut tak lepas sebab liquid idk so i emptied the bottle and thank God ada water dispenser near the gate, i sempat buat susu sebotol utk muaz walaupun dia tak minum sgt.

what happened was:

we arrived kind of early sebab nk tukar seat but unfortunately a bit ramai orang that day and i was berserah kepada Allah shj semoga dapat tukar seat i dan anak2. i didnt buy the seats walaupun husband nk belikan sebab taknak membazir (but next time we gotta buy the seat memang fixed together, dont be like us okay). and then, jalan2 a bit and my husband sent us dekat main gate tu and my journey alone with the kids began. i had to carry muaz because he was a bit cranky dah penat kot and it was spacious, dia nak berlari2 dan bermain. zahra was very good though, dengar je ckp umi, very talkative sebab dia excited gila nk naik flight lol. and then we had to walk quite far to reach the gate but we made it! i made a bottle of milk for muaz and i buka puasa there with a sandwich and mineral water. zahra ate just a tiny bit and she wanted to sing at the hall. ya Allah my daughter loves to sing tau tak. and the seats there can you imagine? the rows mcm dekat concert or some performing hall, dia rasa nak menyanyi la pulak kan tengok orang duduk nice mcm tu, ingat orang nak tengok dia perform. i let her sing slow2, she was very very happy hahahaa. and then, boarding, we queued like everyone else but since i got small kids i cepat je la masuk. the seating! i was nervous but i found a very kind and wonderful stewardess and she said she will arrange it for me until finally i got the seats just for the three of us together. alhamdulillah. and that was still half of what i had to deal with that day. during departure everything was okay. although muaz started to get uncomfortable because he had to seat by himself. zahra sat by the window, muaz in the middle and i sat near the isle. we departed, zahra said goodbye to the cars down the roads, still very excited. the whole time we were up in the air zahra was great. she took off the seat belt but she remained at her seat. muaz on the other hand started to get real cranky and he cried. towards dah dekat nk sampai tu yg dia nangis kuat gila the threw the toys and even his binkie ke lantai, nasib baik lah bukan ke kepala orang. dah land tu we waited sampai semua orang turun, then baru the kids and i turun. i thanked the stewardess and her friend for putting up with us lol. dah turun tu their nenna memang dah tunggu dekat pintu so i handed her the kids and i got back in ambik luggage.

overall, the kids were okay. zahra was awesome. i think muaz dah besar sikit pun awesome macam zahra. so, my husband ada sebut suruh balik before him this raya haji and i think i can do it again lol. but maybe we should take the day flight this time sebab this way the kids will be looking at the clouds, so pretty occupied kan? it was nice handling the kids by myself too. thank you husband for believing in me lol.

but hey, still Syawal. so i'd like to wish all of you SELAMAT HARI RAYA MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN. raya post next okay?

XOXO

love,

ansari azrul

To Rest

assalamualaikum and hi

i usually write when im free and bored if you notice. right now i am just tired. i am smelly and sweaty. the kids are playing with a rope. i was using it earlier and i dont have the energy to clean. so i put on some music on youtube and write this.

some days i feel like this. some days i would be really tired i stop doing everything and i take care of my mind. over the years as a housewife i learnt that i am human. i feel tiredness and boredom and its okay to stop.

i had a few friends who asked me about being a housewife. they were contemplating or planning on doing so and they did for a while but they are working back right now. but the questions were how i cope, will it be worth it, is it hard? those kind of questions. i didnt know where to begin. all i know is, it is a sacrifice. one after another but the rewards are great. there are ups and downs in everything right?

but im not going to talk about that now, all i am emphasising now is, the need for housewives to pause. i am a clean freak. maybe not so much but i will be very mad if i see my husband's clothes on the floor or wherever its not supposed to be. still working with that one lol. so, i need to see my house spotless in an instant when i see it upside down kapal pecah. and i am the kind of person who cant see the laundry basket full. after two kids, i learnt to negotiate my priorities. and number one is my mental health. and that is of course for the sake of my kids. i dont want to be a monster every time i cant get things done and leave them terrified for life.

gradually aside from actually getting really tired of cleaning, i learnt to ignore the mess for a little longer before actually getting mad at the kids and make them clean. also, i learn to rest between chores so i dont get my hands shivering of hunger and later get migraine at night. like what i am doing right now.

but sometimes my old self got out and i freaked out over the mess and chores, i let it got into me. of course that would be the reason i dont really eat during the day, because i dont know to do what first and do everything all at once and got super tired.

all in all, life is great and i am just a tired mom lol. so i think i have gained my energy and i seriously need a shower. read me next time? :*

love,

ansari

Back to You

Assalamualaikum and hi

The moment i heard this song i thought "eh is this our song?" Lol

[Verse 1]
Took you like a shot
Thought that I could chase you with a cold evening
Let a couple years water down how I'm feeling about you
(Feeling about you)
And every time we talk
Every single word builds up to this moment
And I gotta convince myself I don’t want it
Even though I do (even though I do)

[Pre-Chorus]
You could break my heart in two
But when it heals, it beats for you
I know it's forward, but it's true

[Chorus]
I wanna hold you when I’m not supposed to
When I'm lying close to someone else
You're stuck in my head and I can't get you out of it
If I could do it all again
I know I'd go back to you
I know I'd go back to you
I know I'd go back to you

[Verse 2]
We never got it right
Playing and replaying old conversations
Overthinking every word and I hate it
'Cause it’s not me (’Cause it's not me)
And what’s the point in hiding?
Everybody knows we got unfinished business
And I'll regret it if I didn't say
This isn't what it could be (isn’t what it could be)

[Pre-Chorus]
You could break my heart in two
But when it heals, it beats for you
I know it's forward, but it's true

[Chorus]
I wanna hold you when I'm not supposed to
When I'm lying close to someone else
You're stuck in my head and I can't get you out of it
If I could do it all again
I know I'd go back to you
I know I'd go back to you
I know I'd go back to you
I'd go back to you
I'd go back to you
What was there wasn't sure
But I'd go back to you
I know I'd go back to you

[Bridge]
You can break my heart in two
But when it heals, it beats for you
I know it's forward, but it's true
Won't lie, I'd go back to you
You know, my thoughts are running loose
It's just a thing you make me do
And I could fight, but what's the use?
I know I'd go back to you

[Chorus]
I wanna hold you when I'm not supposed to
When I'm lying close to someone else
You're stuck in my head and I can't get you out of it
If I could do it all again
I know I'd go back to you
I'd go back to you
I'd go back to you
I know I'd go back to you
(Go back to you, go back to you)

Back to You - Selena Gomez

Overwhelmed by You

assalamualaikum and hi!

i just watched the latest episode from the latest season of The Big Bang Theory. and its the wedding of Sheldon and Amy! i am honestly touched with the vows because I've been watching the characters developed for some time and also currently watching Young Sheldon. kind of overwhelming to see Sheldon found his true love. the two are so cute together. here are the vows.

 ...

"Sheldon, when I was a little girl I used to dream about my wedding, but eventually I stopped because I thought that day would never come, and then I met you," Amy started. "From that first moment in that coffee shop, I knew that there was something special between us. Even though I did work on a study that disapproved love at first sight."

"I loved that study the moment I read it," Sheldon says. "Ironic, huh?"

Amy continued: "Clearly I was wrong, because I felt something that day and those feelings have only gotten stronger with time. I can't imagine loving you more than I do right now. But I felt that way yesterday, and the day before yesterday, and the day before that."

"Is that growth linear or accelerating?" Sheldon asks.

"Accelerating," Amy responds.

"Oh, maybe we can graph it out," Sheldon starts before Leonard interrupts them so the wedding can continue.

"Sheldon, I don't know what the future holds, but I know that I've never been happier than I am in this moment marrying you," Amy concludes, as Mark Hamill begins to tear up and says he needs a minute to compose himself.

After Amy's kind words, Sheldon finds himself overcome with emotion and, for the first time, speechless.

"Amy... I usually know exactly what to say, but in this moment, I have no words," Sheldon says. "I guess... I'm overwhelmed by you. In a good way, not in the elevator in a haunted mansion way."

He continued: "Even if I can't tell you now how I feel, I will spend my life showing you how much I love you."

i started watching The Big Bang Theory when i was pregnant with Muaz. so much time to kill i guess and i was hooked since. can't wait for next season. because the latest episode from Young Sheldon mentioned something about Sheldon's children! so they could be having kids after all (Sheldon hates kids)

ok that is all byeeee~

yours,

ansari