bluebird

 assalamualaikum and hi!

it has been a while since i layan some bukowski. and i came across this again. love tom o'bedlam's narration, always have always will.

i think what i think about melancholy, about heartbreaks, about pain is somewhat a happiness. because i was used to it. and i create better with sadness. words come out better. ideas look promising lol. and bukowski said that in the poem.

but he has a blue bird in his heart. a happiness. something good. and i have that too. only difference wass that he kept the blue bird inside. and i cherish my blue bird. and the outcomes are different.

obviously his book sales skyrocketed. and im this. but my blue bird is free. im happy. and that is good for me. but kinda bad for what i used to be, referring to how i write. i used to write about this if you read my old posts. cant find it.

haha

do you get it? ahh im just transferring some pics to the pc. and im killing some time.

see you when i see you. 

bluebird

love,

ansari

enjoying melancholy

 assalamua'laikum and hi

its fascinating that the reason i come here is because of some trending song that become an ear worm its hard to get rid of this one.

probably best if i don't share the song bcs wth ansari this is a blog not youtube.

i'm dealing with a massive heartbreak, i think my heart literally breaks, i think i felt a sharp pain in my chest. but i will not go into that yet. i'm not ready. i want to talk about something else. about my boring life maybe. this mundane, boring, quiet, plain vanilla life.

honestly speaking though, i don't know who reads this anymore. i think azrul is too busy with his work he doesn't have time to stop by anymore. i'm not complaining, its not like i have new posts everyday. this blog is a cave full of spiderwebs. but i like it here sometimes. a place i can write whatever yeah probably best that nobody is here anymore lol. but i see some traffic, idk who comes but hello fellow human. make yourself at home.

as i said, life is boring. but hectic at times. because we live with schedules. i try to make a routine for all of us. to make sure tiny humans are well fed, given all kinds of nutrients they need. at the right time, you know. not late, not too soon. and so far so good. everything is on schedule. tiny humans are not so tiny anymore. they have this attitudes of their own. makes me smile, driving me mad sometimes. oh such life.

i actually got indoor plants you guys. like seriously 4 pots of them. but 3 are alive, i wont say thriving but they are alive lah. one is a bit dry and i don't know where to put it. wondering whether i should repot it. this is crazy. why do i bring this upon myself. in between life, i try to execute this porch project. we have successfully put a porch dining set. is it for dining? i have no clue but there are 2 chairs and 1 table. we kinda relax there in the evening, get a breather, watch tiny human run around things like that.

and i envision this shelf or rack where i can put my plants. thinking of getting some herbs and ulam kinda plants. mostly plants we can eat and consume. and i got some from my neighbour. but i haven't got the rack or shelf yet. i think i want to do it slowly. because if i do it too quick and the project is done and then what? right? lol

ahh i guess that's it then. maybe i will post the pictures of my plants. maybe ya maybe. haha

ps: coffee stain on my notebook looks like a black halo. or nice scented hula hoops.