Wednesday, June 6, 2018

To Rest

assalamualaikum and hi

i usually write when im free and bored if you notice. right now i am just tired. i am smelly and sweaty. the kids are playing with a rope. i was using it earlier and i dont have the energy to clean. so i put on some music on youtube and write this.

some days i feel like this. some days i would be really tired i stop doing everything and i take care of my mind. over the years as a housewife i learnt that i am human. i feel tiredness and boredom and its okay to stop.

i had a few friends who asked me about being a housewife. they were contemplating or planning on doing so and they did for a while but they are working back right now. but the questions were how i cope, will it be worth it, is it hard? those kind of questions. i didnt know where to begin. all i know is, it is a sacrifice. one after another but the rewards are great. there are ups and downs in everything right?

but im not going to talk about that now, all i am emphasising now is, the need for housewives to pause. i am a clean freak. maybe not so much but i will be very mad if i see my husband's clothes on the floor or wherever its not supposed to be. still working with that one lol. so, i need to see my house spotless in an instant when i see it upside down kapal pecah. and i am the kind of person who cant see the laundry basket full. after two kids, i learnt to negotiate my priorities. and number one is my mental health. and that is of course for the sake of my kids. i dont want to be a monster every time i cant get things done and leave them terrified for life.

gradually aside from actually getting really tired of cleaning, i learnt to ignore the mess for a little longer before actually getting mad at the kids and make them clean. also, i learn to rest between chores so i dont get my hands shivering of hunger and later get migraine at night. like what i am doing right now.

but sometimes my old self got out and i freaked out over the mess and chores, i let it got into me. of course that would be the reason i dont really eat during the day, because i dont know to do what first and do everything all at once and got super tired.

all in all, life is great and i am just a tired mom lol. so i think i have gained my energy and i seriously need a shower. read me next time? :*




love,
ansari

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